I come back to this space over and over. My own corner of the Internet which bears whatever name I see fit at the time. Always seeking to define myself. By a name, a religion, a relationship, an article of clothing.
Time and time again, nothing seems to encompass the whole of me. I've sought the past two years to uncover (as Thomas Merton and others describe) my True Self.
I've uncovered much. I've come to this space to begin again. I'm tempted to delete the past but will leave it as a reminder. Of my expansion, my growth, my renewal. I no longer see this as an end point, but another step on the road.
I don't have many answers. Many more questions in fact. I'm learning to sit in the discomfort of the unknown, as many have before me.
It's easy to think we can search for the correct answers in the Internet. We can bow our heads before it in search of whatever we need to fill the gaping disconnectedness within ourselves. But a virtual landscape doesn't fill the longing inside of us. Typing to people sitting on another screen in another place doesn't bring us more together. Creating more content to remind us that we aren't alone doesn't make us less alone.
Only flesh and blood can do that. Only the shedding of leaves, the scurrying up trees, the roll of water, the windy tunnels between mountains can prove we aren't alone. A hand held, a pant leg tugged on, a shared meal with others.
Every perspective is valuable, my own no less so. Every experience should be shared, if even only for my own "remembery" as my 7 year old says.
I offer mine only in the pursuit of archival. In hopes that you may read my wonderings and be affirmed of yours too.
